The Essence of a Hero
by Xejis
Summary: In order to make a change, first, you must make a choice. Motoyasu always wanted to be a hero. Too bad he wasn't very good at it. His first chance led to destruction and ruin, now he gets another one and he's determined to make a change. If not for himself, then for the people he failed. Especially one Shield Hero who deserved better.
1. Chapter 1

**The idea nagged at me while I was watching the anime and I start jotting down some ideas. Motoyashu is the type of character I love to torment -cough- I'm mean give some character development...via tormenting them. **

**I realized about halfway through this chapter while I was perusing the wiki for some details that there is actually a spin-off based on the premise. Funny how that works out. In any case, the spinoff is a comedy so while I'll take a few things from it I'll be taking this story in a different direction.**

* * *

In the end, they didn't stand a chance. Naofumi had warned them. He had told them over and over. By the time they had actually started to listen, by the time to started to realize just how far behind they had fallen...it was too late.

Everything hurt.

It was a struggle to even open his eyes, but he forced them open. Forced himself to see the carnage, the destruction, the finality of their failure.

It wasn't like any of the anime he watched or the games he played where the destruction, the death was behind a screen. He had cried when the heroes suffered and had cheered when they got back up anyway.

Motoyashu always wanted to be like those characters. He had memorized the iconic lines, the poses. He had thought when coming to this world that it was a dream come true.

He had no idea.

No idea just how painful, real battle, real suffering was.

_(There was a certain smell to a battlefield that he didn't know about before coming to this world, before fighting for the people. It was the smell of death. It turned his stomach and soured his taste buds.) _

"Still alive moron?"

Motoyasu blinked the blood out of his eyes and arched his head to peer at Naofumi. The man was looking worse for wear. Armor in shambles and absolutely dripping in blood. He looked like he was barely hanging on as he clutched his side, more blood leaking through his fingers.

He opened his mouth to reply, but only managed a weak cough. The taste of copper on his tongue and lingering in the back of his throat made him gag and shudder. The movement sent a searing pain through his battered body and his visions went white for a moment.

He let out a weak breath when the pain subsided just a little. It was still there ready to pounce on him should he make the slightest move, but the pain was far better than the lingering coldness that was slowly creeping into his limbs.

_(The coldness reminded him of lying on the dirty pavement, blood pooling beneath him and the fanatic whispers of 'I love you', 'I'm doing this for us' ringing in his ears.) _

He glanced over to Naofumi when he heard a faint thump. The other man had fallen to his knees seemingly struggling with his own pain.

If they were this messed up when they only caught the edge of that attack and protected by several of Naofumi's shields... then Motoyasu was scared to even think of what happened to the people who received its full force.

_(Itsuki. Ren. Glass. L'Arc. Rishia. And who knew how many others. Soldiers and Adventurers whom he never bothered learn the names of. Because he thought he was better than them. He thought he was the perfect hero. Those same people that he looked down went into this battle knowing they were outmatched, yet still decided to fight for their homes and for their loved ones.)_

**_"̴͎̊L̴̥̜̓͝͠o̷̢̬͐̎̆͝o̵̠̯͆k̴̺̞̫̂̄͝ ̷̤͔́w̴̡̹̅́͘͝ȟ̴̞̫̫̇̿ő̵̟͛ͅ'̵͇̒́s̵͚̪̘͙̽ ̴̖͙̾s̸̭̽t̵̡̬̑̄ĭ̸̻̯̜ļ̶͉̽l̵̼̃͗̌̐ ̵͉̮̦̽͛̂a̴̡͎̞̮̽͝l̴̳͝ͅĩ̵͈̙̤͔v̵̢̮̳̰͌̌̐̃e̵̫̫͕̅̈́?̷̰͕͙͋͝ ̴̥̥̂̑L̴̲̜͓͆̕͜͠e̵̤͔͍͌t̵̳̹̪̭̄̓̓̽'̵̢̨͚̪̆̓͆̉s̷̲͈̹͙̊̔͋̔ ̶̦͎̙̯̂́͝f̴̡̳͌i̶̝͖͔̍͂̾x̴̺͉̲̒̃ ̴̧̢̪̂̒̈́̽t̶̖̭͈͚́̽̎̍h̷͓͚̅͌̇̀a̷̛͙̔͆t̶̛͙͔͖̆,̷͓̾͑̆ ̸͕̑S̴̮͕̓̉H̴̻͔̎͛A̷̹̦̍͆L̸̡̧͎̪̀Ḷ̵͎̐ ̸̞͖̬̺̈́͗̔̀W̷͇̗̍E̴̠̱̒͂͗͘?̴̹͓̙̉͋̎͜͝"̶̻̺̖͚͗ ̸̪̯̜̭̓_**

Naofumi forced himself to his feet even as he coughed up blood and swayed dangerously. With what looked like a virtual mountain of effort he straightened and threw his head back proudly, his shield coming to life.

"Like hell." Green eyes glared at what had to be the epitome of evil. The World-Eater, Medea.

_(He was always the best one out of all of them wasn't he? The true hero. The kind of hero they all dreamed about but never managed to become because of their own hubris blinding them.) _

Motoyasu tried to do the same. He dug his bloodied fingers into the dirt and tried to make his body cooperate, but he couldn't.

_Weak. _

He clenched his teeth, trying again even as pain blanketed him and with each breath, he tasted blood.

_Pathetic. _

In the end, it wasn't enough.

_He was weak. Weak and Stupid. _

Never listened even when the truth was right in front of him.

_(Always too scared to make his own decisions. To think for himself. Because that was too difficult, too frightening.) _

He couldn't move.

Couldn't get up.

He could never decide, never choose.

_("Motoyasu baby, who do you want to live with? Mommy or Daddy?") _

_("Kitamura-kun! You have to decide! Which one of us do you love?") _

All he could do was watch as the Shield Hero once more took on the burden that should have been shared between the four of them. All he could do was watch as the Shield Hero fought alone.

All he could do was watch as Naofumi Iwatani died.

_Weak. Weak. WEAK. _

**Do you wish to unlock the Time Reversal spear?**

**[** **Yes****] [No.] **


	2. Chapter 2

**It's four in the morning...why am I like this? **

* * *

Everything was spinning.

Motoyasu was falling. When he finally pried his eyes open he was met with a bright swirling kaleidoscope of lights that hurt to look at directly. He didn't know what was up or down.

He was just falling continuously into an abyss of colors and pain.

It felt like he was being tugged in different directions. His limbs tearing from the onslaught. He opening his mouth to scream, but nothing escaped his lips.

He suddenly couldn't breathe. Like he was drowning. Then, burning. Then, freezing. Every time he thought he'd had enough. Every time he thought that was the end and he'd die, the feeling would change and throw him into a new kind of pain and fear.

It was too much.

Too much.

He wanted it all just to end. To stop. He couldn't handle this.

Why was this happening to him?

Motoyasu felt like he was falling to pieces. His memories shattered as his mind unraveled from the pain.

It hurt so much.

Why? Why did it hurt?

Why was he here?

What was here?

Motoyasu...who was that?

The colors shifted. Fragments. Glimpses of memories. Echoes of words.

"_What the hell are you people standing around for? Naofumi-sama is fighting in our place! That's right, if only I weren't so useless..If i only were stronger… I wouldn't have to put him through this. You have the power, so why won't you fight? How can you call yourselves the world's heroes like that?" _

Heroes…

Was he a hero…?

"_You use and abuse people for your own benefit. You brandish your powers for "justice," without caring about the consequences. You see nothing wrong with that! And more than anything...You try to take the things I hold dear from me. You people are scum."_

_Blood. Pain. Horror. A battlefield littered with the bodies of the fallen. An enemy they couldn't beat. All he could do was watch. If only, if only._

Ah.

In the swirl of colors and pain, he remembered. He wasn't a hero, but he knew who was.

He reached out, fingers twitching for the power he had so readily taken for granted. A power that could have been great if he hadn't been so focused on his own ego.

His palm met cool metal and everything stopped.

Motoyasu sucked in a sharp breath.

Everything was still too bright. Too loud. But, he wasn't falling. No, he was kneeling on solid stone. For a few moments, the only thing he was aware of was his own stuttered breathing and the hum of his spear under his palm. He stared at the weapon as his mind tried to catch up with this sudden change.

_This was familiar…_

His eyes traced the lines etched into the stone around him, still faintly glowing from a recently cast spell.

_It was the excess magic lingering in the visible spectrum for a few moments. Only the really powerful spells did that… _

He blinked, trying to process where he learned that tidbit. His mind was still a mess of colors and pain.

The pounding headache slowly burrowing itself in his skull wasn't helping much either.

Fragments of memories slowly rose to the forefront of his mind. It was...somewhere on the road when they had finally come together and actually talked. About the world and everything they learned. Even then, Motoyasu was so stubborn that he tended to scowl and stare into the distance in a way he thought made him look cool. But, occasionally he'd get bored enough to actually listen.

_(He wished he did that more.)_

As his heart rate settled and his breathing slowed he started to became aware of the world around him as the glow of the lines and runes finally faded from the stone. He realized that the buzzing around him wasn't in his head, but was actually people talking.

A hand landed on his shoulder, making him flinch from the echoes of pain still coursing through him like hot embers.

"Hey, are you ok?" The voice was soft and soothing. The kind of tone one used on a frightened animal.

The voice was familiar, yet not. He didn't answer. He wasn't sure he was able to at the moment.

Everything still felt so raw.

Motoyasu blinked slowly and took a breath. His legs still felt weak and shaky, but there was something nagging in the back of his head. He couldn't just sit here...he had to do...something.

Even when Naofumi was injured he always pushed himself to his feet and continued no matter the odds.

He wasn't as strong. He wasn't a hero like Naofumi, but he had to try...

"Spear Hero?"

The buzzing of voices grew several notches louder making him wince and falter.

"Hey, can you guys shut up for a minute? He looks like he's in a lot of pain."

That same voice. Familiar, yet not.

It was the familiarity that finally drove him to push himself to his feet. A steady hand curled around his elbow, helping him keep his balance even as his legs threatened to give out. He turned his head slightly, moving slowly so as not to agitate his worsening headache.

Green eyes met his.

He froze.

This was...

This couldn't be...

But, it was.

He stared, eyes wide, a pit forming in his stomach. This person was Naofumi. The Naofumi from before. The Naofumi who wasn't tainted by betrayal and pain so great it shadowed his face even in moments of triumph and comradery with his party, his friends. The face he stared into now was one he only vaguely remembered.

_(It was only now that he was faced with a ghost from the past that he realized the true depths of the pain he caused this man.) _

His stomach twisted.

He could see Naofumi's lips moving. Asking him something. But he suddenly couldn't hear anything over the roar in his ears. He stumbled away, barely making it a few steps before he emptied his stomach on the nice leather shoes of the man he vaguely remembered summoning them to this world in the first place.

The guy whose shoes he threw up on reared back in outrage. Motoyasu would have felt bad, but he recognized the robes the man wore. They brought back memories of a shining cathedral to bright to look at directly and the Pope glaring down, eyeing blazing with his own self-righteousness.

He leaned heavily on his spear and took a few deep breaths. Everything was a blur of sound and colors again.

He could feel himself being led away, his footsteps unsteady and slow. It took a few minutes for the pain in his head to die down enough for him to focus on the people around him again. When he did, he found Naofumi hovering worriedly beside him as Ren and Itsuki walked briskly ahead.

"Wha-Wher…" He coughed weakly and grimaced at the taste of bile.

"We're going to meet the King of this country," Naofumi answered promptly. Green eyes glanced bemusedly at their other two companions. "Apparently our fellow "heroes" have some demands to make."

His voice was so...friendly.

Motoyasu winced.

This was...too much.

He didn't understand what was going on.

He watched Naofumi die.

And now a new...or maybe old...Naofumi stood before him perfectly fine. He glanced at his spear, still clutched tightly in his hand. His memories were still a mess and his mind kept stuttering on the image of Naofumi dying. He tried forcing the memory even as his vision grew spotty from the pain.

There was a question ...yes... there was a question and in his desperation, he had said yes.

Then he was falling, falling, falling, and unraveling from the pain.

He sucked in a sharp breath and tried to focus on the world around him. The stone steps beneath his feet. The cool metal of his spear. The rustle of clothes he hadn't worn in...what seemed like forever.

His heart rate calmed.

Motoyasu watched as Naofumi turned to the window. Their first glimpse of the sprawling city. His awe showing plainly on his face. He listened as Itsuki and Ren repeated lines he already knew. It was familiar. He took comfort from that.

The further they walked down familiar corridors, the steadier his legs became.

The headache was still there, pounding behind his eyes, but he was able to push the pain aside for the moment as he started to think.

"_Come one moron. I know it's hard for you, but use that brain of yours. Think." _

The Naofumi he watched die never looked at him with such open concern and friendliness as this new Naofumi still hovering by his elbow ready to catch him if he stumbled, but the man did attempt to teach him. Not that Motoyasu was very good at listening.

His eyes landed on the other Cardinal Heroes.

_(Fake. They were all fake. Pretending to be heroic while feeding their own egos.) _

Ren walked with a self-assuredness that had been summarily beaten out of him the last time Motoyasu saw him, before...before the end. The Ren Motoyasu remembered had been broken by the death of his party and the heavyweight of guilt over his actions while being possessed by his Cursed Series had humbled him. Given more time, he probably could have been a good hero. One who was more conscious of his companions.

_(But there wasn't enough time. They lagged behind, playing their games, and in the end, they weren't strong enough.) _

His eyes drifted over to Itsuki and it struck him how small the other looked. He was technically older than Ren, but he was the smallest of the group. Though, size aside, he was likely the most vicious in his quest for justice, or what he called justice.

It was strange to see him without scars.

The burns had covered a good portion of his face, nearly blinding him in one eye and causing him consistent pain. Left alone by the liars he had surrounded himself with, the boy who thought he was immortal learned the hard way he wasn't. Motoyasu wasn't there for the weeks of recovery, but he heard from Ren it had been rough. Itsuki's whole world view had crumbled to pieces and he didn't handle it well. By the time that final battle rolled around, he was a husk of his former self. Hardened and distrustful to the point of paranoia.

Motoyasu huffed softly.

It wasn't like he could judge though. It took the entire world crumbling for him to finally understand his own mistakes.

He lifted a trembling hand and stared at the uncalloused skin.

Was this real?

A shoulder bumped his own softly. "You ok?"

Motoyasu glanced up, noting that they were about to enter the throne room, then gave Naofumi what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Judging by the worry that flashed through those too open eyes, he didn't do a good job.

He sighed. He was never very good at lying.

"I don't know. This is all…"

Too much. It was too much.

"It's crazy, right? I don't know how those guys are doing it. Acting so calm and demanding. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all…" Naofumi trailed off, then smiled. It was bright, Motoyasu glanced away. "But, you know. If we really are heroes, that really cool. Something straight out of a light novel."

"Yeah…"

_(Blood. Pain. The smell of rotting corpses. The feeling of horror and guilt as you recognize those corpses. Heroes. They were supposed to be heroes, but how could they be when they couldn't even protect the people who looked up to them, relied on them, believed in them.) _

He wasn't a hero...he knew that now.

He glanced at Naofumi.

Maybe...

The doors opened and they were ushered into the grand room. He used to love this room. It was the place where they received praise and rewards. Now it felt empty. The King he had thought was grand and regal, he knew now was fake. A liar. Trash.

Could he really be in the past? Or was this some sick illusion created by a man about to die?

"Welcome brave heroes. Please identify yourselves."

Everything was the same, except where it wasn't. Ren went first with his introduction, but when Motoyasu didn't step up immediately Istuki took his place. Eyes turned to him.

He swallowed. "Motoyasu Kitamura."

His voice was still hoarse and he probably looked just as bad as he sounded judging by the stares. There was a surprised pause he could he some subtle whispers from the nobles lining the walls. He tried not to wince. He wondered how quickly the vomiting incident would make its way around the palace gossip.

Naofumi tried to speak up after an awkward pause, but the Trash-King continued over him. Just like before. He didn't even glance at Naofumi. As if the man wasn't worth his time.

Something in him snapped.

The butt of his spear hit the floor with a sharp crack that echoed around the room. He could feel the ripple of energy pulsating down the metal. Ready for battle.

"You asked for us to introduce ourselves, but ignore him when he tries. What are you playing at?"

_(He __**hated**_ _the way everyone in the room looked at Naofumi. He was a __**true hero **__not fakes like the rest of them.)_

Rage boiled in his blood to the point he felt like he might actually attack that Trash-King, but he stopped himself. Barely.

Silence.

"Ah, um, my apologies please continue…"

Naofumi glanced at him before turning to the Trash-King. "Ok, well, my name is Naofumi Iwatani. I'm a college student, twenty years old."

As the Trash King continued on he felt Naofumi shift beside him.

"Thanks."

Motoyasu felt his lips curl into a faint smile at the softly spoken gratitude and nodded once to let the man know he heard.

_(He should be the one thanking Naofumi.) _

Motoyasu felt his attention drift away as the Trash-King started on his explanation for their summoning and the state of the country. While not necessarily lies, the man definitely omitted a lot of important truths. Truths that wouldn't come to light until his wife, the true ruler returned.

His eyes drifted to his Status and he opened it without much thought.

He tensed at what greeted him.

If he was truly in the past then shouldn't his level be at one?

Then...was this just an illusion?

But, he wasn't at the same level he was during the final battle...so what exactly was going on? He flicked open his Spear branches, noting that all his former Weapons Series seem to be intact.

He paused.

That one was glowing.

**Minute Hand of the Dragon's Era.**

He closed his eyes as the memories hit him suddenly and viciously.

_The taste of blood in his mouth. The pain. The terrifying coldness creeping into his limbs. Naofumi in all of his glory. Naofumi fighting, falling, dying. He had watched it all._

He bit his tongue harshly to prevent himself from crying out and drawing attention to himself.

_He had tried so, so hard to move. Tried so, so hard to force his body to get up and fight. _

But, he failed.

And in the very last moment, when he was choking on his own blood, the coldness almost overtaking him...his Status menu opened on its own with a message from a Spear he had picked up along the way at random not really knowing what it did.

**Do you wish to unlock the Time Reversal spear?**

**[ Yes] [No.]**

He opened his eyes and glanced over the description. _Equipment Bonus, Temporal Revision_.

So, time travel? This really was the past?

Was this really...a second chance?

He tightened his grip on his weapon and glanced at Naofumi who was still enraptured by the story the Trash-King was spinning. Ren and Itsuki already had that gleam in their eyes that he recognized from before. This was everything they ever wanted. To be important. To be a hero.

But, Motoyasu knew where that path led.

Motoyasu wasn't a hero...but maybe...maybe he could help. Maybe he could make a change.

If not for himself then for the world, and the people he had failed before.

* * *

**Poor Motoyasu. Being in pain and on the verge of a full out panic attack isn't really conducive to figuring out what going on. He eventually gets it though. **

**Also, there isn't much of an explanation on the wiki over how the Minute Hand of the Dragon's Era/Time Reversal spear works, so I just threw a lvl drain as part of the cost of using it along with the time-traveling itself being so incredibly painful you could lose your sanity/sense of self by doing it. There shall be no level grinding via dubious time travel here. Maybe I'll explore that, or maybe I'll handwave it. Who knows. **

**I am also changing the fact that the spear creates a separate branch world. The one in this fic really is just time travel, not the creation of a separated branching world. **


End file.
